Our story- Before the heartbreak

20180504_154326I cannot forget the day I told my husband we were expecting a baby in April. We had just started to try and even though it happened quite quickly we were elated to become parents! The first time I saw him during our first scan was probably one of the best days of my life! his heartbeat was so strong and from then I knew he was going to be a strong little one. Yes! I was hoping it would be a boy from the minute I found out I was pregnant.

As the weeks went by, each was a milestone for me and I tried not to rush to Google too much (which made me paranoid throughout my entire pregnancy! I’m sure all moms can relate). I kept reading about miscarriage possibilities and when I finally reached 12 weeks I decided to start taking weekly bumpies (photos of the belly bump) which was now very obvious and we started sharing the news with those close to us.

I was excited about every event of the pregnancy, even going to register at the hospital for prenatal visits. I started doing yoga to keep me calm as well as prepare me for the birthing process. Even though my doctor told me it is a possibility I would be having a c-section due to my height (4’10”!), I definitely wanted to attempt giving vaginal birth so I was glad when I found out my yoga instructor was also a doula and I immediately enlisted her to guide me along the way.

To be honest, the first trimester for the most part was a breeze, I honestly didn’t expect that because I just always thought I would have a rough pregnancy. I have scoliosis so I was getting sciatic pain a bit often but yoga definitely helped with that. During the summer, I traveled across Jamaica for work but I always ensured I was taking my vitamins and getting my exercise in because I wanted to be in my best shape possible as I prepared for the baby to come. I remember during a trip to the mountains with my coworkers/friends and their relatives, we came up with names for the baby- boy names and girl names to be on the safe side.

Feeling the first flutters brought my heart joy and I was so anxious to have Miguel feel it too. When his movements got stronger, he was finally able to feel the baby move as he responded to our voices and to music I played just for him. I think at this moment, I finally realised I was about to be a mom and it made me happy but it scared me at the same time. I prayed that God would make me the best mom to our baby and I remember praying everyday for a healthy and full term pregnancy because reading other mom’s unfortunate stories scared me and I didn’t want that reality.

Did anyone else feel like their pregnancy just moved fast during those first few months? Gosh! I couldn’t believe I went from 12 weeks to 16 weeks and before I knew it, I was almost 20 weeks! Luckily for me I have the best friends around, a few of them were planning a gender reveal for me. At 19 weeks, two of them accompanied me to do my anatomy scan and the reveal was the following day. The scan was 100% fine and the baby was healthy as can be. Okay so you know I said I already knew it was a boy right? I just needed to hear it with my own ears. Of course I wasn’t told of the gender while at the doctor’s office but I did get an envelope containing a letter about the baby and the receptionist told me not to open it (why did she give me then??) Let me tell you that was one of the worst days ever lol I tried so hard not to look in the envelope it was torture!

August 1 came and hubby and I got dressed and headed out to the reveal to hear them confirm (yes I said what I said!) we were having a boy. The evening was so lovely we felt so blessed to be around our closest friends and family. It wasn’t anything big, very intimate, but it was truly special. It was kept at my friend’s pool house and they had pink and blue balloons all over. I found it so funny most of the pink balloons had popped by the time the event was coming to a close. My hubby and I, my mom and his mom were finally given our balloons to pop to find out the gender. They counted to 3 and we popped the balloons and saw blue confetti!!!! Of course we were all screaming because that was what we wanted. The cake, filled with blue filling, confirmed it was indeed a boy! As soon as I went home I started an Amazon registry, because the baby stores in Jamaica don’t allow for registries to be open until 2 weeks before a baby shower.

We already knew what we were going to name him, after Miguel’s best friend who had passed away last December. I was really glad that my prayers were answered and I was prepared to just sail through the rest of the pregnancy, savouring every moment as I went along. The last week in August, my co-worker/friend and I went to Los Angeles for a training and we had decided we would try to get some shopping in for the baby. Gosh I was so excited. By now, I was already 23 weeks. I think we started shopping from the first night oh boy! I had already received a crib and car seat/stroller so I just wanted to get a few clothing items as I already had another trip planned in October to visit my cousin in New York and would do most of the shopping then. In preparation for the trip, I had ordered some stuff from the baby registry and when I went to the hotel and saw the items everything became real and I cried that night.

​Each trip to a baby store or a baby section filled my heart with joy and I was so anxious for the day to come when I would get to welcome him in this world. Little did I know that day was sooner than I thought and not at all what we had expected.

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